8 Places You Won’t Find Inner Happiness

Date: 2010.02.04 | Category: Happiness | Tags: beer,Happiness,Helen Keller,kick-ass boots,Ramona L. Anderson,self-help books,shrink,Swedish supermodel

I’ve spent a lot of time over the last few years looking for happiness.  I gotta admit – it’s been pretty elusive.  I’ve caught flashes of it here and there, but for the most part, it has been fleeting; it never stuck around as a permanent fixture in my life.  I’m getting closer for sure and I’ve learned a few things along the way – like where happiness is not hiding:

1.) In self-help books

The self-help industry is a multi-billion dollar industry so somebody must be doing something right.  But I’ve read my fair share of self-help books and although they present many a helpful tip, they never seem to have a sure-fire solution to my happiness problem.  Everyone is different and each self-help book is going to provide unique advice for everyone. But don’t expect any one self-help book to give you all the answers.

2.) In a new pair of kick-ass boots

Trust me – I bought a pair of kick-ass boots.  I also bought a kick-ass dress, got a kick-ass haircut, bought a kick-ass iPod, got a kick-ass car. Although all of it was kick-ass, none of it gave me the inner happiness I was searching for.  Leading me to believe that having expendable cash is not the kick-ass answer to happiness in life.

3.) At the bottom of a case of beer

I thought I was going to university to learn and to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.  Turns out, I really went to drink.  I definitely drank more than I learned.  And the beer didn’t give me any solutions to my happiness quest; most of the time, it just gave me a ton of ridiculous excuses and a very bad hangover.

4.) Online

More often than not, I find myself turning to the internet when I’m looking for an answer.  I’ve googled innumerable subjects including, “why are my veins pulsating,” “what does my name mean” and “how do I find happiness.” Although I found some interesting answers to the first 2 questions (stress and “alert” in Hebrew), I’m telling you – the answer to finding one’s own happiness is not on any website or blog that I’ve found (so far!).

5.) In the pants of a Swedish supermodel

I suspect you can find many things in the pants of a Swedish supermodel; I’ve never actually tried.  But I do know that if you start looking for the answer to your own happiness in someone else (in their pants or elsewhere on their person), chances are, you’re not going to find it.  You might find some momentary enjoyment or a good laugh, but long-lasting happiness won’t be found in someone else.

6.) Through “happiness” quizzes

I took a career aptitude test once that told me I’d be best suited as a librarian – a librarian! Now, I’m sure there are lots of librarians out there who love their jobs and find enjoyment and happiness going to work every day. And although I’m a self-professed booklover, I’m not too keen to spend my days surrounded by stacks of them. Needless to say, I didn’t put a lot of stock into this particular happiness test since I was not at all tempted to try out this path.

7.) At your parent’s house

Sometimes mom and dad don’t have the answer to everything.  Remember when you asked them why the sky was blue or where babies came from? Although most parents are wonderful support systems and cheerleaders, more often than not, they don’t have the answer to your happiness. (Mom, this is not a slight on you at all! I love you and I think you’re a wonderful cheerleader!) The same goes for friends and other family members – great for advice and support, but not necessarily the holders of the key to your own happiness.

8.) In your shrink’s office

Shrinks are awesome – I’m not denying that. But if you go to a shrink expecting him/her to hand you happiness on a silver platter, you’ve got another think coming. You are the one that’s gotta do the work; you need to put in the time. And then pay the shrink.

There is only one place I’ve discovered that holds the answer to my own happiness and it is (drumroll please!): within myself.  I know, I know – I should have delivered that with a side order of cheese, but cheesy as it is, it’s true. There’s only so much you can read, buy, ask, love, screw, google, talk about, drink– but eventually, you’re going to have to turn inward to find the answers. Many other factors (like the ones listed above) can help you along the way, but ultimately you are the creator of your own happiness

Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves. (Helen Keller)

People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within. (Ramona L. Anderson)